This month has been, perhaps, my most challenging month of all. Despite the set-backs, the challenges and the stresses, there has to be a silver lining, right? In this case, I am pretty sure there is. I have taken a lot of time this month to learn about me. This may sound silly…do I really need to learn about me? Well, I have found in the past few years that one of the best things I can do is really learn to listen to my inner voice, to only do what feels comfortable for me, and that doing what is important and right for me is all that should really matter. I am not saying that what others think or want to do is not important rather I am saying that I have learned (and am continually learning) that what I want should be more important TO ME. I struggle with this all the time. Trying to put other peoples needs, desires, impressions, etc. above my own. I worry way to much about what other people think. And, when people say things that hurt me, I latch on to it for way to long. I have a very hard time letting things go and that is something I have to work on every day.
Work has not come as easily this month as it has others and that has given me a lot of time on my hands and not very much money in my pockets. I have never not had money. Before I left Vancouver, I was living at home, working a full-time job. Now, I am living on my own without a full-time job. Just a bit of a difference, eh? I will be the first to admit that I have never been good with money. Early on I fell into the trap of spending money I don’t have and while that is necessary, sometimes, it is something I need to learn not to do. Budgeting and planning, with money is hard for me but obviously something I need to work on. I have come to the conclusion that I may have to come home earlier in the summer than expect and though that isn’t my first choice, it may just have to be my choice after all 🙂
This month has also been more lonely than others. Living abroad has so many benefits and I don’t regret my decision AT ALL! I just don’t think I ever thought about being lonely; there are so many times this month were I missed my friends and just wanted to go home. I am still here though! Persevering because even though it is challenging to be away from home, I am here for a reason.
One of the many things I have learned about myself this month is that I don’t like clubbing. I don’t enjoy, not one bit. And you know what? THAT IS TOTALLY OKAY. I have always acted older than I am, I had to grown-up fast as the oldest of four kids, and though there are so aspects of that that I don’t enjoy, being mature is one of the things I like about it. Often, people tell me to act my age; that I should want to drink all the time; that I should want to go out every Saturday. The reality is – I don’t want to, plain and simple! In the end though, I usually give in because it is what other people want to do so I go out and don’t end up having a great time because I don’t want to be there. Finally, this month I realized something: I don’t have to like clubbing or drinking if I don’t want to. I can say no and that is okay (I just need to remember this in the future!).
So this month…my seventh (oh my gosh!) month away from home has been all about learning about me. Realizing what is important to me and realizing that sometimes it is hard to be grown-up but that I have the strength to get through it!